A slow roast ‘Archive Oven’, stuffed with warm old chestnuts.
old chestnuts
Stupid Animals by Ian Westmoreland
Play and record would like to stress that no actual animals were harmed in the writing of this song. However, we should point out that due to a technical error, in an earlier draft about 40 eels needlessly bit the dust.
Afro Potato by Dampfsteine
Based on the real life story of spud-faced German peasant boy, wee Ralfie Hutter - who had, like his father before him, the features of a King Edward and a mop of unruly hair. A chip off the old block, perchance ?
HOT LYRICS FROM THE OVEN
STUPID ANIMALS by Ian Westmoreland
Bird flew into my window pane
He ain’t ever getting up again
Dumbest bird in the whole wide world
Stupid bird
Hog walked onto a railroad track
But he ain’t ever coming back
Dumbest hog in the whole wide world
Stupid hog
CHORUS
You can lead a horse to water
But you can’t make him drink
Ride him down to Oxford town
But, you can’t make him think
A bull sat in a little boat
He was so heavy it wouldn’t float
Dumbest bull in the whole wide world
Stupid bull
A cow tried to walk on an old tightrope
And she was so heavy it went and broke
Dumbest cow in the whole wide world
Stupid cow
CHORUS
Goat, he tried to drive a car
But he ain’t going to get too far
Dumbest goat in the whole wide world
Stupid goat
Old hen tried to swim in the sea
She got caught immediately
Ended up as some shark’s tea
Stupid hen
CHORUS
And a bird flew into my window pane
He ain’t ever getting up again
Dumbest bird in the whole wide world
Stupid bird X 3
AFRO POTATO by Dampfsteine
Sitting in the shop window
Prize winner in any show
Sunglasses reflecting glow
Wiry hairs just grow and grow
CHORUS
Afro Potato…
Got lucky in talent show
Did Duran Duran's Rio
Tabloids loved his tale of woe
Explosive talent - Blow-by-blow
CHORUS
Afro Potato…
Heard him on the radio
Big smash at the new disco
Appearing in a brand new show
Playing drums with Status Quo
CHORUS
Afro Potato…
Owns a lake - loves a row
Extensive lawns - likes a mow
Mansion gates - friend or foe?
Chalet in the Alps - loves the snow
CHORUS
Afro Potato…
FUZZY by The Whistle Blowers
Furrier than a big, bad bumble bee's bum
Fluffier than a wee, wee, week old chick
CHORUS
I love Fuzzy and Fuzzy loves me
Happy as Larry up a bongo tree
Softer than 66 kittens on cotton wool clouds
Squishier than 99 balloons full of warm rice pud
Cosier than a kicking kangaroo's pouch
Cuter than a puppy in a paper bag
Terribly torn and tattered
But you make me jump for joy
I'm definitely going nowhere
Without my very, very cuddly toy
Furrier than a big, bad bumble bee's bum
Fluffier than a wee, wee, week old chick
LE-GO by Kirkole C & The New Coupling Principle
Colourful houses, none quite the same
Gazellephant, on wheels – that’s insane!
Everybody is very well connected
Nobody and nothing ever gets rejected
Chorus
Lé go X 8
Messy floor, tiny, tidy minds
Stuck in the same clothes, no need for washing lines
Recycling – anything goes
Flying house bird – with dormer windows
Square hair cuts, chiselled good-looks and beaks
Humanimal verses cuboid freaks
Seeing red, green, blue and yellow, is fine
All creeds and colours getting on – smashing time!
Futuristic dustbin men take control
Along come Digger Flosch – heads will roll
Worlds collide near your armchair
The building blocks of life, everywhere – yeah!
Le Go by Kirkole C & The New Coupling Princple
Originally recorded by Danish blues combo ‘The Danish Blues’ you can hear a fragment of the original recording at the end of this very contemporary re working by Kircole C and the boys.
The Character ‘Digger Flosch’ appears courtesy of
Spiked Mo.
Fuzzy by The Whistle Blowers
Fact! The Whistle Blowers have a vast collection of over three thousand soft toys including: Quilley Bear, Lamby Mare, Hedgeamaroo, Sealey, Wol, Lasagna Flap, Oswald The Otter, Mumford The Mole and a wasp called Little Knocky Nine Doors.
